
Sundays are hard days for me, for myriad reasons. Today was no exception. This past week brought with it fresh wounding, so I knew that today’s playlist would need to be on point. ?
Don Mclean and Neil Diamond both rode shotgun with me today. I was at the dentist earlier this week, and American Pie and Sweet Caroline both came on. I wanted so badly to sing along, but couldn’t for obvious reasons.
SO, today, I did! Loudly, dramatically, and enthusiastically. I sang all 8 minutes and 32 seconds of American Pie, and Sweet Caroline was so good, so good, so good! IYKYK ?
1,2 Step, and Missy Elliott came next. She was rocking the beat, alright, and I was rocking the car. ?? She came on while I was waiting at a stoplight, surrounded by other cars. People gawked. I danced anyway.
I threw in some Kanye, because Jesus walks with me, with me, with me, with me.
Next was Gladys Knight and the Pips, Midnight Train to Georgia. It is one of my all-time favorite songs. I played it all the time in the house and on trips, and Jimmy would chime in every single time with a well-placed “woo woo woo” or an “I know you will.” He sang his parts with all the groove and flair of a real life Pip.
Those sweet memories brought tears, so I knew I needed to end on a joyful note. I brought it home with F.U.N., belting out every word to At Least I’m Not As Sad As I Used To Be.
And then it hit me. I’m NOT as sad as I used to be. I am getting better.
My grief over losing my Jimmy will never lessen. It is palpable and all-encompassing. It is an intrinsic part of me because ?? was. He was as much a part of me as my blood type or my eye color, and I will grieve him until I draw my last breath. That sadness has not abated in the least.
But the sadness over the losses that followed Jimmy’s? That is definitely fading.
Day by day, the sadness recedes, and joy creeps in, mediated by a God with a soft spot for the crushed and the broken.
Day by day, He ameliorates my pain.
Day by day, He whispers, “What you’ve lost, pales in comparison to what’s in store.”
SO, day by day, I carry on, vowing not to miss a single moment of what God has planned for me. One day, I believe with all my heart, I will look back and echo the words of my precious Jimmy Carroll, “Thank you, Lord, for not letting me miss this.”
Until then, at least I’m not as sad as I used to be.
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
~ ?.?. ?????