Tried and true | Beverly Carroll

Tried and true

I had it out with God last week. An initial approach for comfort ended in confrontation. I barged into the throne room—tears streaming, accusatory finger raised, emotions on full display. For the first time in my adult life, I found myself fighting mad with Him.

Before, there had been grief, despair, even confusion. But anger? No. Not like this. It’s not like He didn’t know, by the way. But to hurl the words, that was a first.

The dam broke. The scaffolding gave way. The bedrock quaked. The cumulative effect of the last three years coupled with a final, straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back moment left me spoiling for a fight.

So, fight I did. Riled up. Fed up. Dukes up.

Smack dab in the middle of Advent, I moved from hopeful expectation, to sullen resignation. I lobbed complaints, vented frustrations, and enumerated grievances.

Gripped by pain that God, in His boundless mercy, chose not to punish, but palliate, He held steady, absorbing it all.

He didn’t flinch.
He didn’t scold.
He didn’t retreat.
He didn’t write me off.

At His feet where I’d thrown myself, He bent low to gather me up, exhibiting His willingness to descend in order to rescue.

He enveloped me, assuring me of a love so steadfast, so unwavering, so unconditional, that nothing, not even anger, could dent it or diminish it.

He, who fashioned it, cradled my fragile heart, lavishing grace too tangible to be denied. I gave Him a piece of my mind. He gave me His peace in return.

I challenged Him to a fight. He laid down His arms and held me in His. He fixed nothing that night, but He changed everything. And that was enough.

As Advent season continues, our reconciliation now complete, I pick up where we left off, and look, once more, for the One who’s been here all along: Emmanuel, God with us, our Savior, our Redeemer, our Tried and True, as faithful in our anger as He is in our delight. To Him be all the glory.

“From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
~ 𝐏𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐦 𝟔𝟏:𝟐

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