Something to say | Beverly Carroll

Something to say

As a writer, I never wanted to just ๐ฌ๐š๐ฒ something. I wanted to have something to say.

My last post indicated that I would be taking a week or so off. Itโ€™s been almost six weeks now, and I have written nary a word.

๐ˆ ๐ก๐š๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐š๐ฒ.

I have been empty, treading water, completely drained while circling the drain.

Physically, I am better. (Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I love you dearly, and mine continue for you, as well.)

Since I last logged on, though, life has been unkind. As a widow, cancer survivor, and lifelong chemo patient, I was under no illusion it would be without difficulty. To know Scripture at all is to understand that.

Some things, however, intrude without warning and compound what already, ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐›๐ฒ ๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ, has the capacity to flatten us. In this case, it converged all at once.

Both my parents are completely bedbound now. Mama has been for quite some time, and, shortly after my hospital stay ended, our precious daddy was discharged home on Hospice. Entirely unexpected, it left us reeling. Unless something changes, we were told he is probably in the โ€œweeks to monthsโ€ category, and our hearts are broken.

Much of what has comprised our recent days will remain private out of respect, but the toll it has taken, and the ways in which I am working to once again choose joy, may resonate with you.

Thus, ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ, this โ€œsomething to sayโ€ post.

For too long, shadows of sorrow imprinted themselves on my heart, robbing me of both my joy and my peace. I allowed them to extinguish the hope that has been my mainstay since calamity first struck years ago.

In the words of Oswald Chambers, I โ€œfailed to take God into account.โ€ Stubbornly refusing to draw from Him, I forfeited what Chambers calls the โ€œundisturbednessโ€ of the Lord Jesus Christ.

To my detriment, ๐ˆ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ˆ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ง๐ž๐ž๐๐ž๐.

To look too far down the road is to invite the worries we are instructed to reject. I see that now. Days, like seasons, occur consecutively, not concurrently. We cannot live in two seasons at once. One day, one season, follows another.

๐“๐ก๐š๐ญโ€™๐ฌ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ.

To try to live with one foot in the present and one foot in the future leaves us double-minded, fearful, and in danger of losing both our perspective and our balance.

๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐š ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ.

I knew that, too. I just allowed myself to momentarily forget.

๐ƒ๐ฐ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ž๐ง๐ญ, ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ ๐š๐ก๐ž๐š๐. Itโ€™s no way to live.

Soโ€ฆfor today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, I once again entrust the future to the One who ๐š๐ฅ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐๐ฒ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ what it holds.

Heโ€™ll hold me.
Heโ€™ll hold you.
๐‡๐žโ€™๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐. Steady. Sure. Unwavering.

๐€๐ง ๐š๐ง๐œ๐ก๐จ๐ซ through the storms that buffet and loom.

In more ways than one, beloveds, itโ€™s good to be back.

โ€œGod does not give us everything we want, but He does fulfill His promises, leading us along the best and straightest paths back to Himself.โ€
~ ๐ƒ๐ข๐ž๐ญ๐ซ๐ข๐œ๐ก ๐๐จ๐ง๐ก๐จ๐ž๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ซ

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ยฉ 2024 Beverly Carroll