As a writer, I never wanted to just ๐ฌ๐๐ฒ something. I wanted to have something to say.
My last post indicated that I would be taking a week or so off. Itโs been almost six weeks now, and I have written nary a word.
๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ฒ.
I have been empty, treading water, completely drained while circling the drain.
Physically, I am better. (Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. I love you dearly, and mine continue for you, as well.)
Since I last logged on, though, life has been unkind. As a widow, cancer survivor, and lifelong chemo patient, I was under no illusion it would be without difficulty. To know Scripture at all is to understand that.
Some things, however, intrude without warning and compound what already, ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ฒ ๐ข๐ญ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐, has the capacity to flatten us. In this case, it converged all at once.
Both my parents are completely bedbound now. Mama has been for quite some time, and, shortly after my hospital stay ended, our precious daddy was discharged home on Hospice. Entirely unexpected, it left us reeling. Unless something changes, we were told he is probably in the โweeks to monthsโ category, and our hearts are broken.
Much of what has comprised our recent days will remain private out of respect, but the toll it has taken, and the ways in which I am working to once again choose joy, may resonate with you.
Thus, ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ, this โsomething to sayโ post.
For too long, shadows of sorrow imprinted themselves on my heart, robbing me of both my joy and my peace. I allowed them to extinguish the hope that has been my mainstay since calamity first struck years ago.
In the words of Oswald Chambers, I โfailed to take God into account.โ Stubbornly refusing to draw from Him, I forfeited what Chambers calls the โundisturbednessโ of the Lord Jesus Christ.
To my detriment, ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ง๐๐๐๐๐.
To look too far down the road is to invite the worries we are instructed to reject. I see that now. Days, like seasons, occur consecutively, not concurrently. We cannot live in two seasons at once. One day, one season, follows another.
๐๐ก๐๐ญโ๐ฌ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ ๐ข๐ญ ๐ข๐ฌ.
To try to live with one foot in the present and one foot in the future leaves us double-minded, fearful, and in danger of losing both our perspective and our balance.
๐๐ก๐๐ซ๐โ๐ฌ ๐ ๐๐๐ญ๐ญ๐๐ซ ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ.
I knew that, too. I just allowed myself to momentarily forget.
๐๐ฐ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ญ, ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐ ๐๐๐๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐๐ก๐๐๐. Itโs no way to live.
Soโฆfor today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, I once again entrust the future to the One who ๐๐ฅ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ฒ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ what it holds.
Heโll hold me.
Heโll hold you.
๐๐โ๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐. Steady. Sure. Unwavering.
๐๐ง ๐๐ง๐๐ก๐จ๐ซ through the storms that buffet and loom.
In more ways than one, beloveds, itโs good to be back.
โGod does not give us everything we want, but He does fulfill His promises, leading us along the best and straightest paths back to Himself.โ
~ ๐๐ข๐๐ญ๐ซ๐ข๐๐ก ๐๐จ๐ง๐ก๐จ๐๐๐๐๐ซ